Amelio's Split Mind

Vulnerability

2010-07-10T00:17:00.001-04:00

For so long, this is what I’ve always known
So here I go, allowing myself to remove the mask

It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this
To hide something so genuine, that few really know

Secluded, to each other we bare our souls
And yet, we let no one else see what’s really there
Overwhelming, it’s a feeling I have to hide
Anxious, I’ve been wanting you all along and speak
And for so many nights, my mind has wandered
Into the shadows and dreams of wehre this could go

All that was done before, we cannot undo or change
You know me as I know you, and try to understand
At times you have to pry what I try to hide from you
But once I warm up, I let you in like no one else

This something, has a name

If anything, I’d want it from you
And as scared as I may be
I’m letting go and telling you
It’s true, I want what’s always been there
Quiet, we said nothing at all
But the truth is far louder than we’d like to say
Or at least what we could not admit
If anything, I’d want it from you

Wishing on an Empty Star

2010-02-07T22:25:00.001-05:00

If I laid next to you beneath the stars
And you knew I had something to say
Would you be brave and curious to ask?

I would search for a falling star in the sky
And wish that you felt the same too
If not, that you would give me a chance

I find that I’m scared and lost in your eyes
Intimidated, you make my stomach churn
And my heart races like I’m being chased

If you ran your fingers across my palms
I would count each stroke of grace
And ask for nothing more

Unfolding

2010-02-07T22:24:00.002-05:00

I’ve got a whisper of a thousand voices
And little secrets swept under my carpet

I’m just another little cracked photograph
With a deeper meaning hidden in my frame

19 and I’ve already got a long list of mistakes
Shades of grey and I’m just losing my name

I’m a wheel with no direction but motive to move
And stranded in nowhere with a slim chance of rain

I got caught and tangled in the winds of yesterday
With a bouquet of sheets of notes he once played

Measure me and I’m not so small in the world
On another page, my eyes try to say otherwise

I’m a key waiting to find my door and find home
And I don’t think all I’ve done makes me wrong

19 and I’ve got my fingers set on my dreams
Just another day down and waiting for the next

Null and Void

2010-02-07T22:24:00.001-05:00

I remember when I used to wake
And always wore a bright and colorful smile
Yet I face just another grey eyed morning
That predicts another broken melody ahead

My heart is now but a book with pages
Some written, empty, and others worn
In the midst of all this chaos, I can’t remember
The last moment I felt truly warm

There is a vacancy reserved for one more
Another set of hands to wake my dormant glow
So that I may feel and breathe again
And take another chance down that risky road

Please Go Away

2010-02-07T22:23:00.001-05:00

My heart skipped a few beats when I ran across your messages
What happened to those dreams we promised to always fight for?
Oh how I hate how you gave in so easily and didn’t try to warn me
For so long, you faked it all so well and deceived me with those eyes

I may have had my issues but at least I kept my word of honesty
You walked away and blamed me for my undesired imbalances
How was I supposed to know I was slipping into nature’s cruelty?
As I held onto a string of hope that you would try to stick around

If only you could understand that things weren’t supposed to end
And the coordinates in my palms do not match those of in the sky
In my dreams I still feel your presence when I cry alone at night
My world will never be the same again, the night you slipped away

My Desire for Your Encounter

2010-02-07T22:20:00.002-05:00

Among the stars and beyond my palms
lies a highway and coordinates to you
however far or near, I will speak your name
In your eyes, I will find your heart to be mine

the winds know more than the scars I wear
and my tears have all had a story to tell
bounded by shadows I long for your warmth
a touch to waken my dormant and worn soul
if only at times thing didn't seem so blurred
and if only I knew of wings to bring you here

Vulnerable: A Heartbeat Away

2009-10-27T01:45:00.002-04:00

Last night,
the stars misaligned
and the moon
refused to shine

I became lost
and wandered towards the sea
where I was a heart beat away
from fading into its depths

I'll find my way back
one day, just not today
not tomorrow
not anytime soon

The wind will guide me
the birds will comfort my soul
the sun will warm up my heart

I'll even question
is there a forever?
or is it all temporary
all in this life

things come and go
few truly stay
in the end
we all fade

among the fields
I'll sleep to dream
imagine a life
far from reality
far from mine

in bitterness
I'll be tempted to forget
what didn't come
and should have became

in the rain
I'll run and hide
from nothing and everything

For now,
I'll wander towards
a place
that calls my name
that takes me home

End the Fairytales and Lies

2009-10-27T01:45:00.001-04:00

I’m tired of fairytales, where they paint a perfect life
Where love never hurts and it’s always perfectly pure
They lied to me, they made me vulnerable to you
You take so much from me that I’m so afraid to leave
I’m captured and chained, so seduced by your cold eyes
And I’m annoyed by our silence, but this is our reality
Tell me, there is still some slim chance for hope
Cause this heart is fading, barely fluttering in my palms
I’m not falling to pieces or torn just yet in the shadows
Saturated by tears, I’m lost in our reflection
I can’t bear to be alone, even if with you I cannot breathe
This is the meaning and feeling, of false compromise
Even if so much damage has been done by our own hands
I like to think that I’m still have a place in your heart

Unresolved Exit

2009-10-27T01:44:00.002-04:00

If there has ever been a time
Where I have felt wounded
Just worn, unforgiving, and defeated
It’s now

I feel like a fragile leaf
Fallen from the stern tree
And into a river
Where I’m wrestling against the waves
Constantly abused and neglected
I can’t escape
Or momentarily catch a break

If tomorrow there was such an exit
I’d instantly jump and look no further
Without a doubt,
I would board the promising train
And escape all the ripples and currents
To avoid the daunting depths
And be torn no more

The Absence

2009-10-27T01:42:00.002-04:00

The silence is rising and I'm motionless
all my hopes and dreams have dimmed
I'm engulfed by the loss and blow
it hurts when my absence is on my mind
come and go, the thoughts never stop
suddenly, everything has a significance
and wherever I go, everything is haunting me

I hope to drift away and never wake again
in my dreams and delusions, I'm not alone
and the scars and new wounds never burn
no more disconnections, no more emptiness

In this life, there is no air to breathe
in my reflection, I'm paralyzed by the tension
and perhaps the next, I'll fly away with a soul
complete and pure, there to fight for every cause
and I'm aware that the new course is irreversible
just to break the chains and leave the hollow shell

I'll come again, when I am ready

And to Think, This is Just the Beginning

2009-10-27T01:41:00.002-04:00

The autumn leaves have begun to fall
soon the days will grow shorter
and the nights become eternal
things start to fade and slip away

I can't control my emotions
highs and lows, they tend to never cease
like the clouds, I grow grey
shedding tears and drift away

Suddenly, I'm not so numb at all
and I hurt all over again

Winter will come and stay
for a while and I'll be left cold
alone, with no warmth for a smile
just a heart that does not feel
nothing more than hate and pain
and eyes that can't hide this misery

And perhaps one day again,
I'll grow numb so I can sleep

Dentro la tristeza

2009-10-27T01:40:00.002-04:00

Tan mudo eres
Silencioso, como una mañana calma
Llena de niebla y mezclada
Con una tristeza negra
Espesa como un puño de hierro

Tanto rencor llevo dentro de mi
Aislado del mundo, ciego por la soledad
Entre la oscuridad me pierdo en las fotografías viejas
Memorias, que no quiero olvidar
Borradas serán con el tiempo, eres mudo

Tan lento los días son
Por la búsqueda de mi alma rota
Dentro las flores marchitadas
Con las ovejas en los campos secos
Tan solo, tan mudo
Tan olvidado

Dear October,

2009-10-27T01:39:00.001-04:00

Dear October,
You’ve left quite
Blue and grey
Rather dismantled
And so disappointed

You’ve given so much
Yet taken so much away
So much laughter
Memories in between
And brought so many tears

In your season
Things slowly die
The colors dim
The days grow short
The nights are long
Leaving me in despair

I don’t want sympathy
Just a simple and quick
Remedy
Without the side effects
The numbess
Would be fine

Life is far too complex
With so many twists and turns
For the past 6 years
You’ve left me so bitter
Brokenhearted

And I keep learning
October,
You’re my least favorite
I'm so glad
you're almost gone

Episode

2009-10-27T01:37:00.002-04:00

A heartbeat away from slipping
Another tear drop from choosing
Should I dare to fade or try to wait?
So many thoughts race at once
It’s the confusion that just begun

More leaves begin to rapidly fall
The colors slowly start to vanish
The loneliness is now setting in
The background noise silences
Suddenly, I’m wandering along

I’m holding onto beaten threads
Tearing apart those memories
Swallowing down the guilt I had
And taking a chance to let go
Into a valley, so unconstrained

Deseos

2009-10-27T01:36:00.002-04:00

The seas in my eyes have yet to dry
I’m not alone, I’m surrounded by ghosts

I take a toll when the sun has fallen
And the moon refuses to glow

I submerge myself in my profound heart
Where the scars do ache and feel

Such a void exists between the walls
That were built when I began to change

It’s hard to breathe when the air is dense
Like the clouds above me were of lead

Time never ceases to numb the pain
Nor does the wind blow the anger away

The chains are yet not released it seems
I’m bound on this earth in flesh not mine

I want to fly away and leave everything behind
So I can see the world and start feeling alive

Those lonely hours

2009-07-13T20:27:00.001-04:00

When the sun died last nite
around nine or ten
the shadows lingered
out of every corner there was a sadness
a chill like I lost my will
to live or move again
an emptiness came over me to stay
there in darkness once again
I was without you for hours
waiting for the sun to rise again
losing sleep
trying to keep some hope
and hear your voice
on another day

Our Flames Begin

2009-06-05T21:05:00.000-04:00

Mother, I've felt my burn and can say I've danced in my flames
And He said in a dream, "change before you bring more shame"
Every step along the way has been a blur, I've just lost my way
Even when I said I wouldn't, I found that I started to drift away
This world is going to split, and we're all the cause of our hell
All our lives we have known the clear signs, and we've all failed
Those bells will ring and everyone's on their knees, praying again
And we'll wonder where we went wrong, bound in our own chains

Whenever You Feel Alone

2009-06-04T10:38:00.006-04:00

My smile from the sun, My heart from the moon

My soul's musical arrangements, will always be by your ears
Remember my voice, anytime you need to soothe your tears

When you're alone at night, my spirit there to watch you wake
It will wrap around your body whenever you start to shake

I'll catch you when you fall, kiss your wounds when you get hurt
All my sweetness if for you to cherish, this love vows not to revert

In emptiness, my touch will be there for you to know I'm there
And guide you by hand away from the dark, so never be scared
Even if, I'm not even there

Summer to Fall

2009-06-04T10:26:00.004-04:00

It continues to rain outside, and my head begins to ache
It's like I'm drifting between dreams, before I even wake
Restless, paranoid, and taunted, is this me missing you?
I'm well aware of how you feel right now, it hurts me too.

I want to dance beneath the sun and stars
I love you more than anything in this world
I crave to shove memories in tiny little jars
so you can carry them when you feel alone

I'm waiting for the summer months to start to linger away
And for the fall to land itself in our palms, once again for us
So we can go back to our ways with you, day by day-everyday
And Sweetlove just know, I'll never say that I have had enough

Butterfly

2009-06-02T07:53:00.002-04:00

It's another sweet day worth living for
the bright sun and birds are out to play
today I just don't want to cry anymore
worry free, I know where I want to go

It makes me wish I were a butterfly
Embrace my beauty within and out
Free to roam the endless blue sky
And live in happiness without a doubt

If You Never Came Back

2009-05-31T23:32:00.006-04:00

If there ever were a day when you just never came back
at that very moment, my poor heart would split in half
And I would promise that I would never try to love again
Without you, my life couldn't possibly ever be the same

I'd lose my every will to continue my life without your company
I'd go deaf without your voice from feeling so empty and lonely
Nothing else in my head would ever feel like it had made sense
Each moment I'd feel like I'm ready to jump from feeling so tense

If there ever were a night when you just never came back
it'd be my coldest night, I'd fall from my heart turning black
And I promise that the world would never see a smile on my face
ever again, all because beside me there was your empty space

I'd lose every piece of me, every bit that made me feel complete
Oceans would fill with my tears, and my sadness never discrete
Only in my faded dreams, would I ever feel like you were around
And I'd always wait for you to wake me up to a promising sound

If you never came back, every floor beneath me would shatter
Without you here, the rest of my life would not even matter

Because of Him

2009-05-31T20:42:00.002-04:00

When the storm starts to drown out my hope
when the sun does not even want to rise
and when the moon hides from the world
He brings back the peace that I need
with his voice he restores all my senses of joy
and brings a healing silence with his lips
I start to dream a place where I never ache

Insomnia

2009-05-28T22:00:00.005-04:00

The hours crept away and I could not sleep
1, 3, 4, 6, 11 sheep, over and over, with sheep
I heard the voices, movement, and rain
laying, tossing, and turning with an itch
my head ached and pulsed with confusion
quickly to anger, to sadness and repression
I hated counting the time, waiting to slip
so much warmth, I could barely breathe
I hated my skin, body, soul and all
everything felt like nothing, then rushing
it is as if time bounced, back and forth
time and sleep, my never ending torment
lost and disconnected, life's against me
always with similar routines, before I sleep

Sensual Escapade

2009-05-28T21:58:00.002-04:00

As the temperate day broke
we laid saturated with sweat
my lips curled as he whispered
his hot breath hit my neck
and I gave in

I gasped
as our pelvises collided
there in shock
i arose from the isolated cave
ran across the prickly sand
and plunged into the fruitful water

Slammed against the rocks
by the dominant tides
I made my way back
and fell onto the sand
recovering from the climax
of the salty escapade
I sighed out of delight

Still engulfed by his aquatic eyes
I admired our contrasting tones
there, in the now dormant bed
listening to the footsteps outside
and the twitter of the birds
we laid in silence

On kylmä, On kylmä [It's Cold, It's Cold]

2009-05-28T21:53:00.001-04:00

On kylmä, On kylmä
It's cold, It's cold
I say to myself

Where have the birds gone?
the colours are fading
everything's dying
I'm barely breathing

It's windy and the sky is grey
death and fear, approach doors
growing nearer and near

notice, do notice
how the lights dim
darkness lives
it flows through my veins

On kylmä, On kylmä
I keep saying to myself

Sweetheart

2009-05-28T12:14:00.002-04:00

Sweetheart, I want to say
you're the reason why I smile each day
you're the reason why I can accomplish anything

you're my structure
the essential foundation that keeps my heart alive
you are truly the most important person in my life

My one and only,
at times we cause each other's hearts to ache
but we forgive each other when we realize those mistakes

My love, My Ian, My soul mate
you are more than a best friend
I share my passions and you do the same
I give you love that will sincerely never end

I promise each day to make every moment count
to cry from laughter, to cough from so much joy
to fall from all the excitement, to catch you when you fall

I promise to always be there when you need me
to care for you when you are weak
to nurse you back to perfect health
to kiss those wounds when you fall
and to always hold you in the dark

Sweetheart,
There is nothing in this world that I need
nothing more than you
there is nothing of greater or equal value
nothing compared to your handsome smile

It has been you that I have been waiting for
It's you that I have cried for so many times before
and I've given my smile and heart
for you to carry when you need it
just always know, we'll never be apart

Drifting in Between

2009-05-28T11:50:00.002-04:00

I'm stuck between the mirror and the wall
will it ever be easy for me to catch a glimpse
of my own reflection
where I capture yesterday's passionate indiscretion
but what about yesterday's delusions
my unreliable states of mind

they ride the waves with no direction
just a push from the wind
without a compass
I lose myself once again
at the edge
of falling
but not coming back up
to that safe shore
where I stood with him

It's my fault
I know, my heart says it
it saddens me to know
I could be the blame
for any damage
all the damage

To the one who owns my heart

2009-05-27T21:20:00.005-04:00

How is it that the breeze of peace
Has brought me down to my knees?
My thoughts are constantly of you
And my moods change with the moon

Once my heart of glass fell to the floor
Where the damage was quite unsure
Yet you dared to take pieces by hand
And I knew I could believe again

Smiles of honey and scented vanilla
I stare into your eyes with “maravilla”
Running through a field of dreams
There’s you and I in Romantic scenes

Melodies are whispered to my soul
A rhythm tells me to get up and go
Following your lead I feel quite safe
I swear to you that I will never stray

This foundation that we have built
Is a vibrant rose that will never wilt
Your voice keeps me living in hope
This is all for you, just so you know

When I said it I knew it was right
Promise to remember every night

Miles of Distance

2009-05-27T21:17:00.007-04:00

Everything's not fine, cause there's a pause
a sudden silence when you try to explain it
you left me last night with balloons of lead
and left without I love you, guess you forgot
we're hanging on a rope that's ready to rip
you've got me tearful, and my face is red

empty promises on a silent and cold Sunday
it's awkward and the air is thick, I can't breathe
should've walked away, than hear more lies
your bitterness welcomed this broken day
we dug a hole and can't get out 'cos it's too deep
it hurts so much, I can't look into your eyes

Invisible Noise

2009-05-27T21:14:00.002-04:00

there's a smoke that lingers about
like old cigarettes, burned
for the sake to dry
up tears, collected in cups for tea
for a kettle to steam and blow

with no voice or face
to be taunted by, there is silence
no ear for a painful shriek,
for no one to witness
a bath of blood left,
to be clean

a simple swipe
so clean, so smooth

her fragile hands
held her solution
a way to find her voice

My Broken Melody

2009-05-27T21:12:00.001-04:00

So much time slipping beneath my feet
with thoughts that float through my head
each with words, taunting and so confusing
drenched with nonsense, there's no sleeping
on those scenes, with an empty satisfaction
I'm just caught up with all this imperfection

there's broken glass that I may have touched
those jaded pieces, daring to just feel life again
there's no sun or moon, no light for this room
a hollow darkness, with echoes of deep gloom
a faded audience, curious for an empty show
backstage, the actor knows his life is all a joke

With raging flames inside, I shed my tears to dry
out by the old swing, I sing to myself a lullaby
In hopes for winter to kill those wilted flowers
praying that God erases these sorrowful hours
Perhaps one day, I'll find one more reason to smile
Even if that moment, will only be a moment's while

Far From Home

2009-05-27T21:10:00.003-04:00

Send me a star to guide me back home
away from here, from feeling so alone
I don't belong here, not in this world
It doesn't feel right, I'm not even whole

take this unwanted life and give it away
It's not for me, I was never meant to stay

his voice still breaks my heart in my head
each moment that passes, I start to dread

send me a star to guide me back home
away from here, from feeling all alone
It's like I find myself lost in a storm
and scared that I'm stuck in the unknown

Yesterday's Memories for Tomorrow

2009-05-27T21:07:00.003-04:00

There you are, in the distance of my dreams with open arms
It's before we argue and I walk away, only to just go back
but what does that mean? why did I even make that mistake?

The point is, if I could pick any memory from yesterday's past
I'd pick the one where sat secluded from the rest of the world
As it spun with voices and cars, we held each other in the night

only for you would I dare run to, just to dive into those aquatic eyes
and find myself once again, in the comfort of your heart and breath
to feel your soul pulse against my body, and relive those nights again

only your voice brings me comfort, and your touch ignites our sparks
to flames that gently burn, scarring our memories for future distance
It's then, now, tomorrow, where we balance our lives for each other

It's when I wake and you're not there, but I remember what you've said
In spirit, you lie with me in the darkness together, by my vacant side
I'll swallow those hollow fears and wait for the sun to rise once again

Come Around

2009-05-27T21:05:00.001-04:00

I sold my heart to the devil's son
better he, have it on his hands
than for you to tear it apart, again
last night, was more than enough

scar my wrists and pour the worst in my wounds
tell me how much you hated hearing my name
burn my lips so that I may never dare kiss you again

God knows how much I'm starting to ache
I'd do anything in this life and begin to forget
collect those grains of sand that have gathered
beneath my swollen eyes, so you may remember
but you'd, blow them off like you did with me

Even when I tried to aid your wounds
you neglected mine, just tossed me aside
I remember every detail, but you never cared
nothing ever mattered, even when I was scared

maybe the next one that comes around
will wake me up from this infinite nightmare
and show me what it really means to love
cause I, just couldn't try to dream anymore